Sisters of Death
Or: The Sisterhood of the Traveling MURDER!!!!
I'm turning this into a Probe because there's not a whole lot to this movie, and any images I thought to capture were basically just the same thing: five scared chicks standing around looking scared and one unhappy bullet maker.

In the middle of watching this, I got worried that this really wasn't a horror movie, but a confusing who-dun-it. Just cause a movie features a murder or four, doesn't make it a horror movie. But after much careful reflection, I'm declaring it a whodunit horror movie. Why not.

We start things off with a secret initiation to some secret club with the not-so-original name "Secret Society of Sisters". All the women are wearing the same gowns and veils over their faces so I dunno who's who at this point. All I know is the two pledges, Judy and Elizabeth, are unveiled. And Elizabeth is a total "butter face".

The initiation involves getting shot at with a blank bullet. Judy gets shot at and nothing happens. Then it's Elizabeth's turn and, well, she's REALLY a "butter face", cause she doesn't have one anymore. I have to give credit to the opening credits (Ha!) cause they just froze right when Elizabeth gets shot and went around and showed all the women's reaction as the credits roll. It's pretty neat and clever.

Now it's seven years later and all the girls are off in the world doing various things. Silvia is a 'ho, Penny is a hippie chick, Diane is a religious hitchhiker, Francis is...I dunno some chick who loves to wear red, white and blue, and Judy is sort of like Paris Hilton. She's famous but I dunno why and she's trying to get it on with the governor's son.

All the Sisters get invites to a reunion and one by one they show up and are reunited. Soon Mark and Joey show up and tell the Sisters they're gonna take them to a big secret house in the middle of nowhere. The entire time Penny is like "NO THIS IS WRONG!" but everyone tells her to shut the fuck up and they get in the strange car with strange guys going to a strange house in the middle of the desert.

They arrive at the house and begin to let loose. Mark and Joey, who were told to drop the girls off and leave, come back to booze it up with five hot chicks in bikini's. We then meet a dude with a big doughy face who looks unhappy all the time. He's literally :( all the time. And sometimes he's even D: (ok, that'll be it for the emoticons, I swear).

Turns out Doughy Face is Clybourne, Elizabeth's father and he wants revenge on the MURDER of his daughter. The sisters are like "Uh, it was an accident, dude" but he's not having any of that bullshit cake. He also lets them know that one of them witnessed something and until the killer steps forward, they're all gonna die one by one.

And they can't just run out the front gate cause he has an electric fence. I hope they don't end up whizzing on it. So naturally there are a lot of scenes with the girls screaming and declaring innocence and the guys are trying to get them out of this mess and Joey hooks up with one of the girls, but since they all act the same it's hard to tell them apart. So I'll just say it's Diane and move on.

Penny is the first to die when she's strangled while doing a weird prayer thing, which involves her smoking a joint. This proves that Clybourne is serious about what he says. Then suddenly it's night and the girls are trying to sleep but Clybourne is playing his damn records all night, while making bullets.

Eventually, Francis gets stabbed in the shower and Silvia meets a spider but nothing happens to her. And it's daylight again and Mark gets the idea to dig their way under the fence. He finds a shed and meets a randomly placed snake. In his terror, he only grabs a funnel. I guess he's gonna pour the dirt into a milk jug?

After digging, they find the fence rests on Pink Floyd's wall and get frustrated. Joey and Diane decide to make the world's smallest SOS sign cause airplanes can see tiny ass letters made from Times New Roman font and size 16.

Joey finds the power box for the fence but before he can turn it off a dog just decides to show up out of nowhere and attack. Joey stupidly runs into the fence and dies. Mark gets all pissed off and goes after Clybourne, who just locked Diane in the snake shed. He also captured Judy and proceeds to undress her. Dude! That's so not cool!

In the hallway, Mark meets up with the random dog and throws him into a room. Judy is tied to a chair and Silvia turns out to be the spy, which we knew all along cause the camera kept lingering onto her for long periods of time and show her not react to any damn thing that happened.

This point the movie takes a confusing ass turn. So I'll list the things that happen.
-Clybourne made up the thing about the witness, there wasn't one.
-They blame Judy for Elizabeth's death but never establish why she would murder her.
-The bullets Clybourne was making were for a machine gun and some of the bullets are real, and some are blank.
-On top of the gun, a rope is tied around Judy's neck.
-Judy reveals that Elizabeth put the bullet there herself so she can die cause she was suicidal, which is something you tell a distraught father who has you tied to a rope around your neck AND shooting a machine gun at you.
-Mark wakes up after being knocked out by Clybourne and punches him, then frees Judy.
-Clybourne accidently shoots Silvia.
-Mark makes the fence explode with gun powder he found in Clybourne's little room.
-Judy shoots Clybourne and he dies.
-Judy then shoots Mark for no other reason then cause it was in the script.
-The movie ends.
-I say "What the fuck was that?"

So there you have it. I dunno what that ending was about. But this movie is soooo boring. And it was filmed so badly. Here's a fun drinking game. Take a shot anytime you see the boom mike. You'll be drunk off your ass by the 35 minute mark. And there's something familiar about the whole "you murdered someone I love, so I'm gonna wait a long ass time and then get my revenge very slowly, mu hahahaha!" thing. But I can't place my finger on it...
Oh well.