| April Fool's Day Ouch, You Stabbed Me. Oh, HAHAHA!!!! |
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| Muffy St. John-Rich chick who owns a big ass house on some island somewhere. She invites the shitload of people below there and she gets wacked out in the middle of the movie. Chazz-Obsessed with videotaping everything. Likes to be fun and wacky. Oh and likes to pretend to be gay for Arch.. He looks like Colin Ferrell. Arch-Played by Thomas F. Wilson, who was Biff in "Back To The Future". Your typical horny jock who sometimes dresses up like a prep. Anytime he comes on screen, I wait for him to shout out "Hello McFly!!" Rob-A med student who doesn't take anything seriously. Has a wicked mullet. Kit-Rob's girlfriend. Needs fashion tips. Badly. Harvey-Wants to be called Hal for some reason. He's a preppy redneck, and yes that is possible. Skip-Some dude who likes to carrys a switchblade knife. Nan-Some uptight chick who enjoys homework wayyyy too freakin' much. Nikki-Borderline slut who gets angry waaaay to easily.. Constable Potter-I thought his name was Sam. Anyway, he's the cop on this island thing everyone's on. The Ferryman-He isn't given an actual name, but he drives the Ferry (duh). Buck-The Ferryman's assistant. Gets injured during a prank. |
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| At times when I do these review updates, I find myself changing my opinion about the movie. And I even go so far as to change my original rating. Maybe it's cause since then I've seen way worse crap, or my tolerance for bad movies is now way up there. So it shouldn't surprise you, dear reader, when I say OH MY GOD I WAS TOTALLY WRONG ABOUT THIS MOVIE!! YOU GUYS! THIS MOVIE TOTALLY ROCKS!!!
April Fool's Day, the day when everyone pulls simple pranks on everyone, gets turned into a horror movie. Well, was turned, this movie was made in the 80's. But nevermind that, let's jump into this awesome movie, that I'm now gonna copy when I'm done with this review. Muffy St. John (Sheesh what a name) invites a whole shitload of people to her huge house which is all by itself on an island. That's about four cliches right there. And when I say theres a shitload of people, there's a SHITLOAD of people. And we're introduced to some of these people via Blair Witch-Cam with Nikki telling us about herself. Then she lets us know that it is indeed April Fools Day by saying she likes to fuck on the first date. Actually, I'm not sure if that is the joke or not, considering she's the group slut. Whatever. |
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| WOW! This is just like The Blair Witch Project, if it starred Biff! |
| Oh man, I wonder what's in the box! |
| Aw man! Spoiler alert!! |
| Somehow, all those people either are related to Muffy or went to school with her. They get to the island via a ferry driven by The Ferryman (of course) and his first mate Buck. On the ferry, Chad/Chazz and Hal/Harvey try to get laid while Skip and Arch play this weird game involving the knife. Arch gets mad and throws the knife at Skip, stabbing him in the stomach. Oh man, this was one of my favorite parts cause I was like "YES! This guy died! And was killed by Biff! YES!!" How cool is that? After everyone panics, it's revealed it was a joke and everyone is mad at them. Damn, they totally had me fooled! Their gag involved Buck diving into the water, so when they reached the island, he had to tie the Ferry to the dock and decided to do it in the water. Well, he couldn't get the rope tied fast enough cause the Ferry rammed into Buck, making his eye pop in a rather gory fashion. I'm really impressed with these effects, cause it totally looks like his eye is popped out. Constable Potter comes to investigate Buck and take him to the hospital using Muffy's boat.. Muffy then shows all the characters the way to her big house, while they all feel guilty about Buck. This is kind of a sad tender scene actually. The movie realizes that it went way too fast for us and gives us a chance to breath while the characters check out the gigantic house Muffy lives in. Muffy reveals her mom died some years ago and it's just her and her dad, who is gone somewhere for the weekend or the week or the year, and that she is trying to own the house herself. Then everyone checks out their rooms and wackyness ensues. |
| "Once you're a Jet, you're a Jet all the way..." |
| Dude! You can totally see her vag! (Click pic to see!) |
| I guess if you do stab him, he does bleed. Thanks for helping us with the experiment! |
| D: |
| This dude is totally scared! He even has the classic "put arms up in fear" pose! |
| They must've gotten Rick Baker for this movie! Bravo!! |
| Nikki discovers her bathroom sink spits water out directly to her face. Arch can't open any doors cause the knobs fall off or sit in any chairs cause they break away. Rob and Kit discover a painting with the eyes cut out and behind it eyes looking back and forth. When they remove the painting, it's revealed to be one of those cat clocks where the eyes move back and forth along with it's tail. These are pretty good pranks and I might try pulling them on some of my friends. Man, won't their faces be red? Along with the bad jokes, they find weird things, such as bondage gear, bent spoons and needles, newspaper clippings about a car crash, and a recording of a baby crying. I'm telling you guys, I really can't wait to see how all of this plays out at the end of the movie, it's gonna be exciting! |
| Sanford & Son is coming for a visit! |
| "Dude! We're totally on the set of 'Clue'!" |
| I love subtle weiner jokes! |
| I always hated those clocks. So creepy lookin'. |
| "I'm totally sendin' this in to Jay Leno." |
| Directed by Chuck Jones |
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| So when do people's head's start getting lopped off? Well, just hold your horses there.We need to do establish these characters, showing their inner workings. And boy do we learn a lot. Finally, we ind Skip is out drinking cause he feels bad about being involved in the prank that popped Bucks eye out. He's off being drunk and moody somwhere when a mysterious figure grabs him in a boathouse.
The next day, he is gone. No one thinks nothing about this and just continue on their day. Man, this movie just doesn't let up. It's at the 40 minute mark and I need a breather. I just don't know what curveball this movie is gonna throw at us next, you know? Usually, horror movies are famous for giving us nudity, but this movie is too good for such cheap tricks. We THINK we're getting nudity when Rob and Kit go into a boathouse and start to fuck. But Kit makes the mistake of looking underneath her and find Skip floating underneath, all dead and pale and shit.. Everyone, of course, seperates and Arch ends up in a forest where he falls in a trap and is hung upside down over a snake. The snake bites him, but the mysterious person kicks it to the side and... AW! It's like a cliffhanger! I can't wait to see what happens next! |
| It's a Steve Perry album cover! |
| I dunno what's going on, but I wanna learn how to do it. |
| I didn't know Paris Hilton was in this. |
| Beware of Uncle Jesse impersonators! |
| Everyone comes back and realizes Arch is now gone. They lock themselves in the house but discover the water isn't working. Muffy, who is starting to act stranger and stranger the more the movie goes on, tells Nikki and Hal there's a well out in back.
I don't know what's going on with Muffy, I was a bit worried cause I liked her a whole lot. They go to the well, where he drops the bucket. D'oh! Then she drops the flashlight. Double D'oh! So she decides to climb down to get it, cause Hal is a wuss. The ladder in the well falls apart and she falls in, discovering the heads of Skip and Arch, and the body of Nan! OH man! I totally didn't know Nan got killed! That's so exciting that they'd kill a character and not show us! Nikki freaks out and wants to leave. Rob gets through to Constable Potter finally, telling him people are dying left and right. Everyone thinks it's the Ferryman getting revenge on Buck but Potter tells him that The Ferryman and Buck are still at the hospital. WHOA! Then who could it be? Well, Potter also tells Rob that Muffy might not be right in the head. NO!! NOT MUFFY! She's my favorite character!! And she's SO hot! Don't be crazy, Muffy! Nikki is trying to leave but Chad/Chazz tries to talk her out of it by wearing the S&M gear found in her room (remember she's a borderline slut), and while she left the room, Chad/Chazz gets, um, "dismembered". Ouch. When Nikki comes back, she too gets killed but we don't see any of it because this movie is too classy to show us death scenes. It's all about psychological, man! Screw your graphic horror movies!! |
| Man, they sure are fashionable! |
| Hey! It's that "Amanda Please" chick! |
| AND it stars The Gimp! |
| This is all we need to see in a horror movie, thank you very much. |
| So who's left? Rob, Kit, Hal/Harvey, and the freaky Muffy. Well, Muffy disappears and Hal is found hung in her room. Rob and Kit rush up to the attic to see if they can spot Potter coming. While up there, they find some dolls that represent all of them and some of the dolls are covered in blood and dismembered and whatnot. They rush into Nikki's room. They show us a little bit of blood, but it was just enough to show that something truly horrible happened to her. Very tastefully done.
Kit and Rob then rush to the dock where they find Potter's boat but no Potter. In the boat they find a notice saying to be on the look out for a BUFFY St. John, who escaped from an asylum. A TWIN!!! I love movies where it's really the twin sister (or brother) who's the killer! That means my sweet Muffy is in the clear! THANK GOD! Oh, I should mention the boat Potter used was actually Muffy's, cause it makes the whole plot more convienent that way, and Rob remembered hearing that a spare key was back in the kitchen. They return to the house to find all the doors and windows closed, so they have to sneak in through the basement window, conveinently opened by Muffy earlier in the movie. In the basement they discover that Buffy is, in fact, Muffy's twin sister and she is the one killing everyone. Oh, and they find Muffy's dead body. And wow, good job on the make up, movie crew! This dead body REALLY looks like Muffy. Color me impressed. They rush upstairs to find the key and Buffy breaks in. Rob manages to lock himself in the pantry (good one Rob) while Buffy chases after Kit. Kit rushes into the living room and.... Ohhh!! This is soooo exciting! I don't know why I hated this ending before. Now I see the pure brilliance of it. I'm sorry I ever said anything bad about you, I didn't mean it, movie. I hope all is forgiven. Oh and this is a spoiler! So don't read if you wanna be surprised! And if you do, I don't blame you! You should just go out and rent this right away, cause it's a masterpiece. Kit rushes into the living room and finds everyone alive and well (and normal size). Everyone including Arch, Chad/Chazz, Hal/Harvey, Skip, Nan, Nikki, and Potter. Kit turns to Buffy, who is actually Muffy, and reveals that it was all just an April Fools Prank!! |
| It really is impressive how much this really looks like Muffy. |
| Oh you rascals you!! |
| HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! I am literally rolling on the floor, laughing my fat ass off. You really got me on that one..
Well, Kit is upset to say the least. Rob finds out when Buck shows up in the pantry and peels off the fake detached eye. He too is understandably upset. Muffy then tells everyone that this whole thing was set up because she got the house and is gonna turn it into a country inn which is gonna feature a who-dun-it murder mystery game thing and she wanted to test it on everyone. Constable Potter is really her Uncle Frank and Buck is a make up artist. The Ferryman is really a ferryman. Everyone then gets drunk, boogies to Three Dog Night's "Mama Told Me (Not To Come)", and have fake sex with the wax dead dummies. So Muffy is quite drunk now and she goes into her room. She finds a box on her bed and she opens it. Inside is some jack-in-the-box and Muffy, remembering a flashback she had at the start of the movie about receiving a jack-in-the-box, just laughs and cranks it (Like a soulja boy!) and when the thing pops up, some chick we never seen before pops up and pretends to cut Muffy's throat. Muffy realizes it's a joke and the movie ends. Good job movie! I don't wanna know who that chick is! It'll ruin it for me if I find out! Keep us in the dark!! It's much better that way!!! If you were a woman, movie, I would so marry you right now. |
| You gotta love a movie that introduces a character at the final frame of the movie! Seriously! |
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| Oh and one more thing. APRIL FUCKIN' FOOLS!!! HA!! You think I REALLY liked this movie? HELL NO!! This movie still fucking sucks royal ass! What the hell, movie?? You take 10 and a half hours to set up the "horror", give us 10 minutes of "horror", then tell us that NONE of it really happened??? ARRGH!!! My brain is melting. MELTING I TELL YOU!!!! Anyway, for real guys, don't watch this movie. Just don't. And yes, I really do hate it. Or do I? |
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