| Blood Freak The only Christian Drug Film Featuring A Giant Killing Turkey Man!! |
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| Herschell-"Big" guy who was in Vietnam, now he rides highways looking for hot girls who need their tires changed. Apparently he's a dumb bastard who doesn't know where it's at. Gets turned into a giant turkey. Explaination will follow down below. Angel-Extremely religious chick & Ann's sister. Ann-Big time pot smoker. Falls in love with Herschell and does what any girl in her situation would do: gets him hooked on marijuanna. Guy (God)-I guess this dude's name is Guy but it sounds like everyone is calling him God. Anyway, he's the drug dealer who gives Ann the stuff that hooks Herschell. Some Old Guy-I think he's Ann and Angel's father. He owns a turkey farm and hires Herschell immediately. Two Stupid Lab Guys-They tell Herschell to eat a Turkey full of drugs. And they're horrible actors. Various Drug Users-All victims of Herschell's "I'm a turkey so I must kill people" spree. One of them is a guy who gets his leg cut off! SWEET! The Narrator-This guy is SOOO 70's that I'm sure he killed himself when the 80's rolled around. He smokes A LOT and tends to read his lines from the script itself. Goes into a coughing fit at the end of the film. |
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| "Jason! You need to see this movie!"
"Ok." "It's about this guy who smokes pot, then he turns into a giant turkey and kills drug users." "...what?" "Yeah! And there's a narrator who has a coughing fit! It's fuckin' awesome!!!" After a conversation like that, how could I NOT see this movie. The Narrator starts things off by asking vague questions like "Are our destinties predetermined or do we choose our own paths?" Then he tells us the story of Herschell, a friendly but "large" guy who rides down a highway in Florida and finds Angel with a broken down car. I should point out that this scene was filmed illegally, with the camera on the back of a car or truck and the "actors" quickly doing their scene before the cops show up. Anyway, Angel invites Herschell to her house for what he thinks is some nookie. |
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| It turns out she's a religious freak and I guess she was going to brainwash him or something. Then we meet Ann, who's having a pot smoking party at the same house. So, a pot smoker invites other pot smokers and they all hang out at the religious chick's house? This seems a little weird to me, but whatever.
Herschell is mingling and he turns down various offers of sex, mainly by Ann. She talks to God (Guy) and says she wants him to smoke pot too. He says he'll whip up a batch that'll get him hooked, guarenteed. Herschell, meanwhile, accepts a job at a turkey farm, where he meets two stupid lab guys. They tell him they're working on some experimental turkey that's pumped full of drugs and if he'll eat it to see if anything bad happens. He says, of course, sure why not? Herschell then begins to smoke pot with Ann and immedately gets hooked. He treatens God to keep him supplied with free drugs since he got him hooked. |
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| So yeah, this is one of those movies you need to see for yourself, at least once. I mean come on, it's a Christian film about marijuanna and a giant man with a turkey for a head.
If you don't see this movie, you'll just be a dumb bastard who doesn't know where it's at. |
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| This COUGH-COUGH is the COUGH-COUGH-COUGH narrator. COUGH-HACK!!!! |
| Ann is trying to pick all the ticks and lice from Herschell while he gets brainwashed by Angel. |
| Coming this fall on CBS: Herschell & The Two Dumb Lab Guys!! |
| HERSCHELL! NO!!!!! |
| Yum. Drug filled turkey. |
| Gobble Gobble Gobble. |
| Then off he goes to eat a giant ass turkey.
Now things get extremely weird. Herschell is transformed into a GIANT KILLING TURKEY!! Well, honestly it's just him wearing a huge turkey head. His body is quite normal. And he proves this by getting it on with Ann, which is possibly illegal in the state if Flordia, especially with Jeb Bush as governor. Because Herschell is a drug addict now, he needs to get some stuff, man. So he hunts down drug addicts all around town (there appears to be quite a lot, God must get around) and he kills them and drinks their blood. This goes on for about 25 minutes in the movie. Finally, we meet who I'm gonna call Stumpy, which will be explained in a minute. He calls God to get some stuff and Herschell follows him. After Stumpy gets high and tries to rape Ann, Herschell goes after him and a chase ensues! The chase ends in some kind of warehouse where Herschell cuts off Stumpy's leg and drinks the blood directly from the leg!! WHOA!!! |
| Something he learned from Martha Stewart: if you hang the body upside, the blood will flow a lot easier and you can drink more. It's a good thing! |
| It wasn't me! It was the one legged guy!!! STUMPY!!!! |
| Then it gets slightly surreal with a witch hunt, and people killing Herschell, which is represented by a real turkey getting killed. People start eating Herschell when...
SPOILER ALERT!!! It was all a dream!!! Well, a drug fueled dream. The Old Guy finds Herschell and calls Angel to pick him up. He admits he's hooked and she tells him to talk to God (The other one, not the druggie), and He'll forgive you. In the end, Herschell ends up with Ann after all. Despite her being a big pot smoker and her being responsible for the whole thing. The Narrator, while talking about being addicted to drugs and whatnot, goes into a coughing fit from his cigarette. I guess this guy can't spell Irony. |
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