| Blood Sucking Freaks The Strangest Troma Movie Ever (And That's Saying A Lot). |
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| Master Sardu-This dude is just weird, man. He runs a theater group that basically consists of him torturing and killing women. They're naked women but still... Ralphus-Sardu's right hand man. He's a midet who dances to just about anything that happens. Girl screams, dance. Girl dies, dance. Girl throws up, dance. Tom-Supposedly a football player but I don't see it. Kind of a horrible actor. Natashia-A ballet dancer who is "famous". Is dating Tom. Also a pretty bad actor. Creasy Silo-Critic who is tortured by Sardu. I think the writer/director was saying something here. Detective Tucci-Crooked New York City cop who likes to actually get paid to bring justice. He's kind of an idiot. The Doctor-This would be the kind of doctor I'd get if I ever got sick, seeing how I don't have any insurance or anything. Extras-These would be the naked chicks that take up the bulk of the movie. Some are killed by Ralphus and Sardu. Some are cannibals. Anyway, they're all naked. |
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| Umm...I just don't know what I can say about this movie. I knew before hand that I was going to have a wild ride ahead of me, so I asked my friend Bill to watch it with me. Seeing his reactions helped me get through it.
Now, I'm not saying it's the most horrible movie on the face of the planet. No. It's just so disturbing that you can't help but question why anyone would make something like this, what inspired someone to make something like this, and why in God's name would someone spend 20 bucks buying this? I happen to fall in that third catergory. My main complaint about the movie is the fact that the cover of the DVD has nothing to do with the movie itself. I'm sure it's from another movie, but I don't know which one. I know it isn't this one. I don't know if it's actually possible to dissect this movie, but I can try. We meet Mastar Sardu doing a theater piece where he tortures women and ends up killing them, but passing it all off as "acting". A few people in the audience heckle him, one of them being Silo and the other being Tom and his girlfriend Natashia. Silo basically tells Sardu that this whole show is just horrible and he won't even bother reviewing it. Tom just says the entire thing is "obviously fake", but he still enjoys it. A quick word on this audience. Who would go to see a show that's called "Master Sardu's Theater of The Macabre"? Like the entire show is basically Sardu having his midget sidekick torture women until they actually die on stage. And they applaude this! I'm guessing this is something you don't tell your friends or co-workers that you saw. "Hey Frank, how was your weekend?" "Oh, it was fun. I went to that Theater of The Macabre and saw a dude put a vise in a chick's head until her head exploded. It was COOL!!" "Ok...I'll see you at lunch." Anyway, after the show we are treated to a bunch of delightful scenes that showcase the many ways Sardu torture's women. I could go through them all but frankly my memory is already erasing this movie and I just saw it two hours prior to writing this. I think one of them had something to do with a rack. Oh and I should also mention he also sends live naked women to other countries in boxes! Via the post office! I'm guessing no fat girls need apply. If you ever shipped anything with the post office, you'll get that last joke. In the midst of all the torture scenes, Sardu wants Silo kidnapped. Leave it to a woman with a strap on dildo and a midget with a blow gun to do it. No...no I'm not going to explain it. Anyway, Sardu tells Silo that he's going to put on a ballet, make Silo the "guest of honor", and he's gonna try to get Natashia to star in it! Natashia gets kidnapped but refuses to participate. So Sardu terrorizes her by showing her all the things he'll do to her if she doesn't do what he says. This goes on for another 20 minutes or so. We are also treated to a lovely scene involving the doctor drilling a hole in a chick's head, pulling out her teeth one by one, and then sucking out her brain through a straw. I couldn't make that up if I wanted to. Sardu kills the doctor with his horde of cannibal women he keeps locked up in the basement. This movie gets better and better. Tom, worried about the disapperance of Natashia, calls the police and he gets Detective Tucci. Tucci is basically a dirty cop who bribes everyone to get his way. He bribes Tom to work on the case. Then he figures out that Sardu has Natashia and he bribes Sardu to keep the lid on the whole thing. Then he bribes Tom again in saving her...it's just crazy. The day of the ballet arrives and Natashia, who finally agrees and is totally hypnotized by Sardu now, does her thing, while a chained up Silo gets kicked in the head repeatedly by her. The show ends and Tom and Tucci burst backstage and tie Ralphus & Sardu's female (and nude) servants, and they look for Sardu. He's, um...doing something to Silo's dead body...uhh...yeah. Anyway, Tucci stupidly lets the cannibal women loose so they eat him. Natashia, who is now loyal to Sardu kills Tom and runs back, naked I might add, to her Master, but he's been eaten by the cannibal women and we get a nice shot of a weiner sandwich. THE END!!! |
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| This movie is so not for everybody. Please take everything I just said seriously and see this movie only if you have a morbid mind like me. I don't wanna be responsible for any brain damage cause you followed my advice. Ok? Ok. |
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