| Dead Alive The COOLEST Zombie Movie...EVER!!! |
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| Lionel-Mama's boy who looks like Tim Roth at some angles. Has the unforunate task of taking care of a household of zombies. Paquita-Mexican girl who falls in love with Lionel, zombies and all. Lionel's Mum-Overbearing lady who doesn't want her precious angel dating Paquita. Is the first one to be zombie-fied. Father McGruder-White haired priest who happens to know kung-fu. Turns into a horny zombie. Nurse McTavish-Mum's nurse. She probably doesn't get paid enough to deal with her. Also turns into a horny zombie. Uncle Les-Lionel's uncle. He's pretty sleazy and wears a toupee. Graveyard Punks-Some random guys who find Lionel digging up his Mum's grave. One of them turns into a zombie. Baby Zombie-This movie has it all. Is the zombie love child of the nurse and the priest. Party Goers-All of these people become zombie bait. Psychic Grandma-She tells her granddaughter Paquita that she's gonna fall in love with Lionel. |
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| Granted, I haven't seen all that many zombie movies. All the "Of The Dead" movies by George Romero. The tribute to zombie movies "Shaun of The Dead". But "Dead Alive" has to be the best zombie movie that's out there.
We first see two guys stealing some animal from some jungle. Some tribespeople aren't too happy with this and attempt to stop them. When whatever animal inside this box bites one of them, the other guy freaks out and immedately starts chopping away. This little scene is just a small sample of what's to come. |
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| If Jack Bauer and Indiana Jones had a kid. |
| Well, that's one way to stop a guy from masturbating too much. |
| Then we meet Lionel, who looks a lot like Tim Roth. He lives his with overbearing mother. Think "Psycho", but thankfully Lionel doesn't show any signs of cross-dressing. Anyway, Lionel meets the lovely Paquita, who works at a small grocery store. After being told by her fortune telling Grandmother that the first guy she meets is gonna be her soulmate, she immedately latches onto Lionel. They agree to go to the zoo the next day.
Not approving, Mum follows them on their date to the zoo when she's bitten by a "Rat Monkey", which is what the two guys from the beginning was bringing over. Mum immediately kills the "Rat Monkey" and ends Lionel's date short. |
| My word, I am offended! Her showing a BRA STRAP!! |
| Seven pencils. Definately seven pencils. |
| The Sexist Man Alive....in New Zealand. In 1994. |
| The Kuma Sumatra? |
| Rizzo The Rat was always ashamed of his grandfather. |
| Special Cameo apperance by Dame Edna. |
| Soon, Mum is showing odd symptoms which include: face peeling off, squirting pus from wounds, and body parts falling off. Guess she shouldn't have tooken all that Paxil. When Lionel calls The Nurse to check her out, The Nurse proclaims her dead. Then Mum gets up and proceeds to bite the nurse's neck. The nurse, now a zombie, teams up with Mum and attacks Lionel. He quickly throws them in the basement.
Not knowing what else to do, Lionel meets a Nazi (or former Nazi) and gets some tranquilizers. He constantly keeps the Nurse and Mum knocked out, but, of course, they escape into town and start attacking people. When Lionel knocks her out again in public, the townspeople proclaim her dead and arrange for her funeral. |
| "Check out my bling, sonny!" |
| What Joan Rivers goes through every day. |
| It's The Ring! |
| The runner-up in the "Riff-Raff Look-A-Like" contest. |
| There's a nice little scene that include the caretaker pumping her with too much embalming fluid, causing her to almost explode. Thankfully he turns it off in time for the ceremony to begin. But Mum gets up from the coffin and attacks Lionel. He knocks her out again in time to get her planted into the ground.
Later that night, he goes to dig up his Mum's grave when some Thugs comes and stops him. While pissing on her grave, Mum comes up and, well, snaps "something" off. Ouch. Then the coolest thing happens. The Priest, investigating the racket, starts doing some sweet kung-fu moves, proclaiming "I kick ass for the Lord!" Man, I love this movie. Well anyway, the priest manages to kick some zombie ass, but becomes a zombie himself. So Lionel keeps them all at his house. It's about this time when them Duke boys...no wait. It's about this time when his Uncle Les shows up. |
| Did someone order a Randy Quaid? |
| Why couldn't I have gotten a priest like this? |
| Oh yeah, zombie porn. Bow-Chika-Bow-Bow!! |
| Another boring Thanksgiving. |
| Basically, if this was an American movie, Les would be played by Randy Quaid. Les is pissed that he got left out of his sister's will and comes to bug Lionel about it, but when he hears some weird ass noises in the other room, he leaves. Lional goes to investigate. The zombie priest is getting it on with the zombie nurse. And a few hours later, she gives birth to a zombie baby. I guess zombie time is faster than human time.
We get an intersting scene with Lionel taking the baby out for awhile, but ends up flinging him all over the place and even smashing him into a swingset. It's just awesome. Well because Lionel is taking care of zombies, he doesn't have time for Paquita. He ends the little romance they had together and she ends up dating some boring guy who talks about football, or something, all the damn time. The movie goes into full swing when Uncle Les finds the zombies and blackmails Lionel into giving him the house and money he inherited. To celebrate this, Les throws a big party at the house and invites a bunch of people from the 1950's. Meaning, everybody dressed and pretty much looked like they were from the 1950's. When Paquita shows up and finds the zombies, she convinces him to poison them and bury them once and for all. Oops...he accidently gave them "stimulants", so they become, seriously, Super Zombies! |
| Oh sorry guys. I must've mixed up the movie pictures with pictures of my birth. |
| Too bad it isn't Human Stimulant not for animal consumption. |
| No! Not Tom Waits!!! |
| I took this cause of the electric zombie in the background. I thought it was cool. |
| The next 30-45 minutes of the movie is just one big bloodfest with zombies attacking the party people, the party people becoming zombies, and Lionel, Les, and Paquita, along with a new friend Paquita found, fighting the zombies. Body parts are ripped off, people explode, and there's even a pile of intestines that come alive and start attacking!
It's FUCKIN' AWESOME!!! There is really a whole lot more, including the final fight scene with his Mum and you just gotta see her for yourself. It makes you think the director had issues with his mom. Just...go find the movie and see it! |
| I know a Mexican who can do this for cheaper. |
| Evil Dead 4: Ash Hits The Lottery |
| I am SOOO making this my LiveJournal icon. |
| Yeah...I think Peter Jackson had issues with his mother. |
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| Make sure you get the Unrated version. I hear there's an R-Rated version that sucks ass. I guess all the cool stuff is cut out, which sucks. So pay attention! Oh and I should let you all in on a secret. The director of this movie is one Peter Jackson. Yes "The Lord of The Rings" Peter Jackson. He made cool movies like this before selling out to geekdom. So if you wanna see what Jackson can REALLY do, get this movie. Excuse me, I must go kick ass for the Lord! |
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