Elves
The Most Twisted Christmas Movie Ever!
Mike-Played by Dan Haggerty AKA "Grizzly Adams". He's an out of work detective who gets a job as a mall santa. He gets entangled in the Nazi/Elf plot.
Kirsten-You tend to feel sorry for this chick. She has a bitch for a mother, an annoying little brother, even more annoying friends, a stupid job, and last but not least a Nazi elf is trying to mate with her.
Grandfather-Was formerly a Nazi. He and his Nazi friends came up with the let's have an elf be evil and mate with a virgin. He has some twisted secrets.
Kirsten's Mom-I hate this lady. Thankfully she dies. Yay!
Willy-Kirsten's brother. Has a thing for her sister. It must run in the family. (That'll be explained below.)
The Nazi's-Grandfather's former(?) friends who think it's still a good idea.
Kirsten's Friends-They're pretty annoying, but don't worry, one likes to get naked and then they get killed.
The Elf-I don't get how this thing was born or what it was suppose to do. But anyway, he's rather creepy looking.
It's hard to believe that it's Christmas already. It's even harder to believe that this movie was made and EVEN HARDER to believe that this is a Christmas related movie. I wanna quickly forget this movie ever happened, so let's make this brief, huh?

Kirsten and her two annoying friends do some stupid witch ceremony in the woods and as a result the Elf is born. Don't ask me, I've seen this movie 5 times (Dear god, why?) and it's not clear to me. Anyway. We get a peek into Kirsten's life. Her mom is a total bitch. Her brother likes to look at her boobies. And her grandfather was a Nazi and now he's an old man who's anal retentive. She has a horrible job at the mall working at the food court. Basically, her life totally sucks.

We then move on to Mike, who not only doesn't have a job but he got evicted from his trailer. Not knowing what to do, he asks his friend who works at the mall for a job. While he's begging, the mall's Santa, after groping Kirsten, gets stabbed in the crotch by the elf. Ouch. Well, this means there's a job opening, so Mike is now the Santa.
After the whole "mom killed the cat" bombshell, I probably shouldn't tell you that it's revealed that the grandfather is actual Kirsten's father and he got it on with his daughter to have a kid...oh. Well, it's out now.
Merry Christmas!
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Mike decides to live in the mall and at the same time Kirsten and her annoying but sometimes hot friends decide to have a sleep over...in the mall...for some reason. Oh and the elf is there too. Oh and the Grandfather told his Nazi friend's the elf is alive and he's going after Kirsten, for the typical virgin sacrifice. So the Nazi's are after the elf or Kirsten. It's not too clear.

But the goofiest scene happens when all three groups (Mike is considered a group, ok?) meet. There's a shootout, the elf kills one girl, the nazi kills another girl, and Mike, leering at Kirsten in lingerie, saves her. The police arrive and you can imagine the bitchfest that went on when the police  and Mike bought Kirsten home.

I been debating on whether or not I should tell you what the mom does that makes her a total bitch. I mean, yeah you get the idea, she constantly berates Kirsten and seems to rule the house with an iron hand, but there's one thing she does...oh ok, but I'm just gonna mention it quickly.

She kills Kirsten's cat. By drowing it. In the toilet. And then burying it in the backyard. And saying it ran away. Ok? We done now? Good. Back to the Nazi elf.
Mike, confused about everything, does some investigating and he finds out the Nazi plot, which is the elf must mate with the virgin before midnight on Christmas Eve, and the kid that comes out of that will be the new Nazi leader and "then ve vill take OVER THE WORLD!!!!" Realizing that Kirsten is in danger, he rushes over to her house, where the Nazi's and the elf are dragging her to the woods to get it on.

Then something happens that I'm not too clear on. Yet again, I've seen this roughly 5 times in the past 2 years and I'm still not clear on it. I think Kirsten might not have been a virgin after all, maybe that's what's going on, but in any event, the elf doesn't continue and the entire woods becomes one major LSD trip with techocolors floating by in the background. Then the elf just kind of melts into the ground.