Evil Bong
Dude, This Bong Is A Buzz Kill, Man.
Alistair-You Can Call Him Al...but it annoys him. Anyway, he looks like a reject from the casting call of "Revenge of The Nerds", including the later ones that weren't really good at all.
Larnell-Stoner dude who buys the evil bong.
Brett-Asshole jock and stoner dude. Apparently doesn't like conch shells.
Bachman-If this was a bigger budget movie, he would be played by Jim Bruer. But he talks like Napoleon Dynamite. Quite possibly the biggest pothead in the world.
Luann-Brett's bitch of a girlfriend. Gets hyper when she's high.
Janet-Luann's friend. Has a thing for nerds.
Larnell's Grandfather-Rich old bastard in a wheelchair. I liked him.
Jimbo-Played by Tommy Chong. Of course if you have a movie called "Evil Bong" Tommy Chong is gonna be in it. Former owner of the bong.
Phil Fondacaro, The Gingerdead Man, The Trancers Dude, and some other people I didn't recognize-All shamless tie-in cameos that appear inside the bong.
Eebee-The Evil Bong. Gets people high and steals their soul so they can...have fun...with strippers. Yeah, it doesn't make any sense but whatever.
Well, it's 4/20 again and you know what that means? Time for another pot related movie review!! Er, what I mean is, the movie is about smoking pot, not me smoking pot while reviewing the movie. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to buy some earlier. So I watched this movie sober. Maybe later I'll try it high and see what the differences are.

Super geek Alistair arrives at our central location (AKA the only location, besides the bong) looking for a place to live while he's in college. The place he arrives at is pretty much pot smokers HQ. We never find out where this takes place or what college, which is unfortunate cause I would tend this school in a heart beat.

Larnell answers the door and accepts Al (what they call him in the movie, much to Al's dismay) and we immediately are introduced to the quirkiness of our characters. Larnell is just a whatever type of dude, Bachman is a "Whoa.....wait...what?" type of dude, and Brett is an asshole jock (is there any other kind I ask you?). Brett makes a big deal about Bachman's conch shell being on the same shelf as his baseball trophies. Brett then gives us some backstory saying he was booted off the team for failing a drug test. Too bad he didn't test positive for steroids. Apparently THAT'S allowed in baseball.
See? Jesus WAS a pothead!
Dammit it! How many times do I have to tell you Lord of the Flies to stop leaving your stuff lying around???
Anyway, after everyone's introduced we jump right into the plot. Larnell sees an ad in "High Times" for a mystical bong of sorts that came from New Orleans. Believe it or not, that's actually kinda important later on, even though we all see where it's leading to. Larnell decides to waste Al's rent money (Yes, I said Al's rent money, another side story is that Larnell came from a rich family but they disapproved of his pot smoking ways and cut him off. So now he just "borrows" money from people to survive. I dunno why this is important, but it just is, ok?) on it and buys it.

A few days later it arrives. Larnell takes it out of the box and falls in love with it, along with Bachman (who's probably be happy using a goat's butt as a bong honestly), but Al and Brett are less than impressed with it. They all take a hit from the bong, except for Al who says he's keeping all his brain cells for his studies in Chemistry and Meta Physics.
Seymour and Rusty Go To The Library.
"Wait, this isn't a guitar. Oh well..."
Later that night, Al is wakened by the glow of the bong and a dark sinister voice cackling in the night saying "Oh yes" or something. We then get a title card saying "24 hours later" which I think they simply meant to say "The Next Morning" cause 24 hours after that event, it'd be the middle of the night again. I think the film makers had a bit of the puff-puff weed if you get what I'm saying.

Anyway, "24 hours later", Brett arrives with Luann and Janet. Luann is an obnoxious bitch so obviously she's banging Brett. Janet and Al hit it off, even though the soap on his pants make it look like he was quite "excited" about something. Well, it's obviously soap and it just looks like soap, but if the film makers want to make a pre-mature ejaculation joke, who am I to stop them? But regardless of this, Janet thinks Al has got it going on. Luann steals some of Bachman's weed and she, Brett, and Janet leave.
"The following takes place between Puff Puff and Pass. Dude..."
This is why Shaq can't do porn.
Later that night (Now it'd be 24 hours later), Bachman is just sitting there enjoying his total high when the bong lights up. Then it steals Bachman's soul, I guess, and he ends up inside the bong. If I was the dude who runs "Badmovies.org" and I was doing a tally of "Lessons I Learned While Watching This Movie", I'd put "The inside of a bong looks like a crappy strip club" cause that's what it is.

Bachman is wondering around the strip club/bong when he bumps into that "Trilogy of Terror" doll and Phil Fondacaro, AKA a pretty famous midget in B-Movie land. He was Dracula in another Full Moon Films movie called "The Creeps" and was one of the weirdo midgets in "Hard Rock Zombies". I only know his name cause of my friend Adam. Anyway, Phil pops up out of nowhere, says 2 lines of dialogue, then a stripper with a bra that looks like it was designed by Skeletor appears. Then this movie decides to get cutesy with it's death scenes by having the skeleton bras bite Bachman's neck!
The Bada Bong.
I forgot to mention that this guy/thing starts jerking off. I couldn't make that up if I tried.
"Hey, have you see Billy Barty around here?"
"Sorry, I don't date goth girls."
Which means in real life he's dead. Well, kinda. Well, yeah. Well, I don't know. I'll explain later.

The next day (48 hours later) Brett returns home and tells Al and Larnell that "the chicks" are coming over for a party tonight (72 hours later) and to clean the place up. Then they discover that Bachman is dead. Al wants to do the right thing and call the police but Larnell and Brett are like "Fuck that! Fuck the 5-0!! Murder was the case that they gave me!!" Just when they come up with a genius plan to dump his body somewhere, there came a knock on the door!

It's Larnell's grandpa and he is easily the funniest character in this movie. He just hurls out insults like "un-used douchebag" and "waste of diapers". I really enjoyed his scene, even if it was a bit over the top. The reason for his visit is to show off his new bride, Rose Marie. (Not, you know, Rose Marie from The Dick Van Dyke show) Since Gramp's is loaded, they figured he got him a trophy wife, kinda like the rich Lebowski in "The Big Lebowski", but no. Instead they got a 99-year-old lady who quite possibly got jiggy with Al Capone. Or Abraham Lincoln. Or both.

After The Grandpa Situation, they drink RED TAPE LIGHT BEER and figure out what to do about Bachman. Brett suggests putting his body in the basement, have the party, then they'll call the police. Al reluctantly goes along with this.
You just know she did it both ways for Benjamin Franklin.
"BOO Hiding Real Names of Products using Cheap Methods! HOORAY BEER!"
Later that night (96 hours later) Larnell is alone for some reason when the bong (who's name is Eebee apparently) talks to him. She begs him to take a hit and he obliges. Afterwards, Eebee steals his soul or whatever and now Larnell is in the crappy strip club.

There he finds Bachman, but he isn't dead or bitten, he's just getting a lap dance. Bachman tells him to enjoy himself and he goes off to get sex in the champagne room, despite what Chris Rock told him earlier. Larnell enjoys himself when he comes across another Full Moon Film's cameo. This time, I swear I'm not making this up, The Gingerdead Man!! Sadly, he isn't voiced by Gary Busey here.

After a few horrible "creaming" puns from Gingerdead, Larnell meets the stripper with the Victoria Secret from Hell bra, this time there's sharks on her boobies. While touching the inside of the mouths, they bite his hand off.
I was just waiting for Wilford Brimley and Jessica Tandy to come out of that thing.
That's the way the cameo crumbles!
As cool as these "death" scenes are, they really are pointless. As we just saw with Bachman, they don't really die or get their body parts taken off. If you're gonna have killer bra's at least have the victims die or something. Sheesh.

Back in the real world, Janet and Luann show up. To get the party going, they all play Trivial Pursuit. And because both Janet and Al are smart, they win. Afterwards, it's time for the sex and one of the damn goofiest scenes I've ever seen. I can't even fully describe it.

All I can say is it's Luann trying to turn Brett on but she's as hyper has a 2-year-old with ADHD after eating 25 Lik-A-Maids. Afterwards, both she and Brett crash. Janet takes this opportunity to sex up Al, who after talking for a minute just gives in and starts to make out for the first time in his nerdy life. But then he notices the bong is taking the shape of Joan Rivers and freaks out.

Then they both hear Eebee talk and witness her stealing Brett and Luann's soul. They arrive in the strip club and Luann is acting like a total bitch, so a big bouncer guy takes her away somewhere. Brett walks around and runs into some girl he use to know. Earlier, Brett told a story about this girl giving the worst blowjob ever. This chick heard that and decides to get him back by revealing her bra with Mick Jagger lips on them.
Man, Melissia Rivers should lay off the plastic surgery.
"And here, Paris Hilton tests out the "Lick It Up" Push-Up Bra."
Knowing what these bra's do, and seeing that she lowered it onto his dick, you kinda get what happened. But yet again, it's wasted cause, well, he isn't dead.

Back in the crappy apartment, Tommy Chong just appears out of nowhere. Seriously, Al and Janet are like "Wow that was weird" then Tommy Chong just walks in like he's the neighbor on some wacky sitcom or something. Anyway, Tommy is Jimbo, the former owner of the bong. His ex-wife put it up for sale, along with his hot wheels, to get back at him. Somehow he tracked it down here and tells Al that once you go in, you never come out. Except he did somehow. And that the bong is cursed from some Cajun guy from New Orleans (Told you it was important). And since Janet took a hit from it, Eebee takes her soul too.

So now it's up to Al to go inside the bong to get Janet back! Jimbo gives him some vitamins cause I guess they sober you up (Another Thing I Learned) and Al takes his first bong hit ever! Eebee takes his soul and he ends up in the strip club. Meanwhile, Jimbo confronts Eebee and decides to get rid of her once and for all.

You haven't lived until you seen Tommy Chong wield a chainsaw in attempt to destroy a cursed bong. I love my job.
Here's how you get Tommy Chong to be in your movie. "Hey Tommy, wanna be in a movie?" "Uhh...sure, man... cool.."
This is the greatest screencap ever in the history of screencaps.
Inside the bong, Al gets tempted by hot naked girls but he refuses and searches for Janet. She's getting a lap dance from some guy in a Borat thong and she's high off her ass. Al drags her away and attempts to sober her up. But first they not only run into the Trancer's dude, but some other guy that I'm sure was in some Full Moon film but I didn't recognize him.

Al finally gives Janet a vitamin and she sobers up. Outside the bong, Eebee releases her most powerful weed, getting Jimbo high, so he ends up inside the bong. But Jimbo says not to worry, cause he has a plan. So Al and Janet simply just walk out.

Yep, that's it. Just walk out and you're fine. I guess THAT'S the big secret in leaving this bong! Sheesh. Jimbo walks up to the bong (yes, the bong is inside...the bong. Confusing, I know) and shows her a bomb, which immediately goes off.
Trancers 15: Jack Deth Is Still Alive? Really? Wow, Ok.
I take that back. THIS is the greatest screencap in the world.
This sets Larnell, Brett, Luann, and even Bachman free and they're alive again. And not missing any appendages. Oh wait, maybe the bong is like "The Cell". Horrible things happen to you inside but they don't affect you outside. Or something. Eh, I'm tryin' too hard.

Everyone's glad they're alive except Jimbo. He's still inside the bong and all the strippers elect him to be their new leader. He accepts and immediately pulls out some hot wheels and I swear to God uses their breasts (naked breasts) as road, even making screeching noises. Yes, I really love my job.

During the ending credits, we get an annoying voice over from Eebee which she states she'll be back and she isn't gone and Jimbo sucks and I don't even know what. I could've done without that honestly.
Dude, Tommy Chong has a great life.
What? You didn't think there'd be a Boobie Pic in this review?
Despite everything in this movie, this wasn't that bad. Sure, it's not GOOD in any sense, but it's a pot movie, what do you expect? And it's a Full Moon Films movie, so yeah what do you expect? If you wanna watch something while you're high and they're out of Half-Baked, Harold and Kumar, or even Remains of the Day, I totally suggest this movie.
Monkey.
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