Fear of Clowns 2
Aw, Damn There's Another One
Detective Dan Peters (AKA Eyebrows)-He's back from the first film! And his eyebrows too. This time he has Mystery Disease-itis. So now it's his personal mission to end the life of a homicidal clown.
Lynn-The same lady from the first film, still being stalked by a psycho clown.
Ralph-An orderly at the hospital Shivers and his Friends were at. Helped them escape.
The Three Clowns-I got their names and I know one's a pedo, but I'll be damned if I could tell who's who. One's black, one likes to giggle, and other is just there.
Some NRA Gun Nut's-Got a special call from Dan to help shoot down this clown.
Random Hick Family-I love this family.
Shivers The Clown-Same psychopathic clown from the first movie, but this time HE CAN TALK! WOW!
If you're a regular on this site, then you might remember that a few months back I was contacted via e-mail by one Kevin Kangas, the writer and director of "Fear of Clowns", one of my most hated movies ever reviewed. He more or less told me he agrees the movie sucked cause of editing issues and ignored all the death threats I put in the review (Sorry about that again, Kev).

After writing a Pulitzer-Prize winning interview with Mr. Kangas, he offered me a surprise. A special screener copy of his new movie titled "Fear of Clowns 2".

Lord help me, he made a sequel.

Me being morbid enough, I said I'll check it out and got the ok to review it here. But I will state this, I do have journalistic integrity. Just because I know the director is reading this review does not mean I will be pulling back any punches. I'm here to properly inform my readers and dammit! That's what I aim to do.

So on with this mess!

We open up to Detective Eyebrows sitting in a doctor's office. He gets word that he's got some rare and possible made up disease that'll possibly kill him either in two minutes or two years, it's undetermined. It'll be at Death's  convenience Eyebrows does something dramatic with his eyebrows and cue opening credits.

We get shots from the first film, mainly of Lynn and Shivers just standing there looking at each other. Beats the last opening credits were we got 10 minutes of dictionary terms. Then I must admit that I felt mildly cool for a minute cause Mr. Kangas wrote on the film itself "JASON SOTO SCREENER". Dang, so much for me selling this on E-Bay.

After the credits, we find it's two months later and Eyebrows decides to quit the police force. As he's doing that, he hears that Shivers, going by the non-threatening name Doug, escaped from the mental hospital along with three other inmates and an orderly named Ralph that helped them escape.

Since this was one of Eyebrows' last case he must finish it before he dies randomly at some random point in the future. Hmm...think he'll live to see the job through? I don't know, let's read on and find out!!

We then go to some random junkie shooting up when some tall shadowy figure steps in. The junkie gets made that his heroin is being interrupted but we learn that this shadowy figure is Shivers! And he's got some new friends! YAY!!!
I will say this. This is a marginally better film than Mr. Kangas' first Clown related film. Not by a whole lot but I didn't find myself wanting to rip the DVD out of the player and having a football team smash it to smithereens. So for me, that's a good thing. I was amused by the Random HillBilly Family and it's internet porn lovin' dad. And as much as the death scenes didn't really help move the story along, it was interesting until the 19 billionth decapitation. Next time, try, oh I dunno, tasering or something. I really did like how the southern slut died though.
So Mr. Kangas, here ya go. I reviewed this movie. Now quote me on the DVD cover or something "This movie...good...eh...yeah!"-Jason Soto!
Read The Reviews!
You can tell by the way I use my eyebrows I'm a ladies man...no time to talk.
Sometime tells me the Magic 8 Ball company should stop making contact solution.
Honestly, I have no idea who was who, except for Ralph and Shivers. There was a big black guy, some guy that giggled a lot, and another guy that didn't seem to do much of anything. Shivers sends Ralph to the store on an errand.

Now we see what Lynn's been up to. She's still an artist and made a whole book about creepy ass clown drawings and somehow it's a success. I'm surprised people weren't in the streets burning them. While taking questions from reporters, Lynn finds out that Shiver's escaped and freaks out.

Eyebrows returns home where he has an awful lot of girly stuff around. I wonder if he bought the home of Lynn's ex-husband, who seemed to be in girly things too. Lynn calls Eyebrows and asks to meet her somewhere and the way he acts from this point on I got the impression he really wanted to bang her.

When she shows up at the restaurant, he ordered every drink imaginable for Lynn and she seems to be getting the same impression that I got too. They talk about the case, he promises to get the bastard this time, blah blah blah.

Back to Shivers, Ralph shows up with some clown make up! Yay! Now Shivers can get gussed up in his classic trademark look! And apparently there was enough for the other three guys cause they dress up like clowns too. Oh joy, an actual Insane Clown Posse. Touche, Mr. Kangas. Touche.
"You're dead, Martha!"
From the secret vault of Ray Kroc:
The Rejected Ronald McDonald
It's Racist The Clown everyone! YAY!!
"Be honest, is this too much? I don't wanna overdo it."
The first WTF moment arrives when some random punks that I had no idea who they were showed up and got killed. The only thing I can figure is Kevin didn't put enough random killing in the first film, so this time anyone that shows up on camera that isn't a main or supporting character, gets killed.

Things kinda get convoluted when Eyebrows interviews the doctor that watched after Shivers for however length of time went by between the first and second film. Dr. Loomis here also doesn't answer his damn phone, which I learned later was a red herring but it was kind of a stupid red herring.

See, someone is working with somebody else and that somebody else told Ralph to let Shivers go. Shivers, who has a major hard-on for killing Lynn, would take the chance to go do just that. I guess Lynn's ex from the first film did such a number on Shivers that his only goal in life is to kill Lynn. Once he does that, he'll go off into the heavens or something.

So the whole thing with the phone ringing at the Doctor's office was to let us THINK it's Ralph calling to tell the doctor that he didn't realize these guys were REALLY crazy and he feels threatened. Gee, you only worked there HOW LONG and you thought they were just, what, mildly retarded? It was a maximum security loony bin ya jerk! Jeez... Well anyway, Ralph tells our mystery person (who may or may not be the doctor) he wants more money.

Meanwhile, Shivers plans his move on Lynn. Ralph somehow knows where she's at and tells Shivers. And for some reason, he handcuff's Ralph to the back of the van. Eyebrows is gonna move Lynn to a safehouse somewhere and some cops are outside her place to watch all the entrances. Also outside is Shivers and his Troupe.

What you know will happen happens. The clowns get a surprise attack on all the cops and Shivers breaks in and starts chasing Lynn. Eyebrows saves Lynn and instead of going back in the room and shooting Shivers in the head and ending this all (the situation and the movie) he just runs the fuck out. Good detective work, Eyebrows.

For no real reason, Shivers kills the Giggly one and the dead body is found by the black dude. Apparently the black dude likes to carry around the dead heads of people and talk to them, like a twisted version of "Crazy In Alabama". (Chick flick reference FTW!)
Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Movie
Oh my. This is still gruesome and gross. Dear lord how ever will I sleep?
"Heeeere's Shivvy!!"
Eyebrows and Lynn eventually get out and hit the road. They vow to kill that clown if it's the last thing they do (Hint: it just might). Shivers leaves the black dude behind and takes off with Ralph, who's been trying to escape during all this.

Black dude has two heads, one belonging to Giggles, the other to the other guy. Wait, when did the other clown guy die? Who killed him? Is this another edit Kevin? Didn't we talk about this? Tsk, tsk.

So now they're on the road! One hotel stop later where we thought fa sho Eyebrows and Lynn was gonna get it on, they arrive at some hotel/cabin/shack place that Eyebrow's owns. They're gonna hide there until "Tuesday" then "somehow" tell Shivers where they're at and finally kill the bastard.

Shivers pulls off to the side and goes off into the bushes to I'm guessing take a clown doo-doo. This gives Ralph a chance to use this cellphone he found to call his secret inside person and demand even more money. And the secret person is...

Survey says! *BING* EYEBROWS!!

WHA????

Yes. Eyebrows told Ralph to break Shivers out and make them come after him and Lynn so he can really for sure kill him before Eyebrows dies from his mystery disease. But of course it's no fun killing alone. So apparently he called for backup and three of the rootinist-tootinist gun nuts show up and are like "FUCK YEAH LETS KILL A CLOWN!!!!!"

But first, boobs.

We get our first peek at boobs when we meet some random hillbilly family eating dinner. The two boys are facing the window and Susie-Peggy-Bobby-Jo-Ann-Beth-Ann arrives and flashes the boys. They asked to be excuse and they run outside to play with some fresh udders.

And for whatever reason, Shivers is heading to this farmhouse. He shows up while the dad, your traditional grizzled mountain man, is jerking off to internet porn. I didn't know you can get a signal out in the Ozarks. I guess AT&T was right.

So Dad and Mom are taken out. In the barn one of the boys has to pee so the other boy starts on Naked Southern Belle here while she gives him a blow job. Unfortunately, Shivers shows up and chops his head off. Talk about GIVING HEAD! HA!!

He kills slut in an amusing fashion that must be seen to believe and eventually gets to the other brother. I dunno why I'm mentioning any of this, this has nothing to do with anything, except provide bored audience something to go "yay" to for 10 seconds.
"Aww, we have the worst pot farm ever."
You know, after doing a month and a half of high school teeny bopper movies, it's great to bring back the Boobie ShotŪ
"That's my daugther, I recognize that anywhere!"
"AHH!! I guess my sister/mother was right!"
Back at Hotel Eyebrows, everyone is playing poker when Lynn makes a phone call on Dan's (I got tired typing out Eyebrows) phone. He gets a call from his chief who said he hasn't heard from Peters in two days. But that's funny...he said he was talking to his chief earlier...hmmmm....

Lynn starts to suspect something is up when they notice something on fire in the distance. Turns out to be one of the NRA Member's car. Now this fire was a good long way from the house/hotel and everyone went to look at it. But Lynn went back by herself. Um, dudes, do you think maybe this is a trap or a sign or something? Jeez you're all stupid gun nuts.

Dan FINALLY figures it when but it's too late, Shivers shows up and chases her out of the house and down the road to somewhere, another house. One of the gun nuts got killed in the process and one of the others goes to look for him. Guess how that turns out.

So apparently, the black clown wanted revenge on Shivers for killing the other clown. Maybe the second clown too? I dunno. There was no extra features on the DVD. Anyway, a showdown ensues between clowns and Shivers takes out the black dude.

Back at the other house, the last gun nut goes outside to get the clown and Lynn and Dan hear a gunshot. Dan checks it out and sees Last Gun Nut is dead. Aw what a shame, they killed such an enriched character. Dan thinks he hears Shivers and shoots in the general direction but no it's just black dude's head on a stick.
Filmed on location at Bates Motel
You know, Kevin Kangas is obsessed with decapitations for some reason. I wonder if that means anything.

Shivers jumps out and sticks Dan in the side (Oh spoke too soon) with an ax. Lynn makes a run for it and Shivers makes chase. Ok, I need to set the scene here to show you how ridiculous this whole ending is. So Lynn ran, Shivers ran, and I ran so far away. Dan is dying with an ax in his side. He loads his bullets in his gun and he crawls at a snail pace HOPING to catch up to them. Um...dude, why don't you just lay back and let the MAGIC of EDITING help you!

Thanks to editing, he nearly leaped ahead 100 feet in a matter of second. Yay!! Once closer, Dan gets a clear shot and shoots the fucker two times and he falls down. Lynn checks on Dan, who tells Lynn he was dying anyway and this is why he did all this blah blah blah, then Detective Eyebrows dies. A sad day for anybody with an eyebrow fetish.

But of course Shivers is still alive and Lynn pumps him with three more shots and he falls down, hopefully dead. Fade away and we get a POV of someone in the woods, breathing heavily. Oh no. We go to a cop who tells another cop that they didn't find another body. Oh no!! Please no...no more. Oddly enough, that's how this movie ends. At least it wasn't as retarded at the other ended. And I watched all through the credits to make sure some special surprise thing didn't happen.