| Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter ...Or Granddaughter..Close Enough |
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| Jesse James-Legendary robber from the old west. He's an old school playa! Hank-Jesse's hunky assistant. Becomes the "new" Frankenstein's monster, but named Igor. Isn't the brightest person in the wild west. Maria Frankenstein-The granddaughter of the famous mad scientist. Not daughter, mind you. She's pretty cuckoo. Rudolph-Maria's brother and lab assistant. Doesn't get a lot of respect. Lonnie-Use to be in Jesse's gang until he turned "good" and wanted to capture Jesse for the reward money. The Marshall-The good guy trying to capture Jesse. Francisco Lopez-He goes up to the castle and gets experimented on by Maria. Juanita Lopez-Francisco's sister. She basically just stands there in frightened horror whenever shit goes down. |
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| Everybody knows the story of Jesse James. Famous outlaw, robbing stagecoaches, stole from the rich, gave to the poor. But what if he had an encounter with literature's famous monster? Eh, too boring. Let's make it an encounter with the grandchildren of the scientist who bought a monster to life. Now that's entertainment!!
The story starts in a Mexican village that has a painting of a dark forbidding castle looming over them and the villagers are scared of this painting, so they leave. The last family to leave are The Lopez's, who's son Francisco went up to the castle that is represented in the painting that looms over them and died mysteriously. We then get a dose of what is happening to Francisco, who is being experimented by one Maria Frankenstein and her brother Rudolph. Maria wants to continue the work of her grandfather because, well, she's bored I guess. Rudolph is opposed to the experiments and when any of the dead people Maria brings to life, he kills by injecting them with poison. Maria claims that she needs a big brute Hercules type guy to bring to life. |
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| This movie does have it's moments, but the acting is just terrible. In fact, this whole story idea was just terrible and it should have never been made. This is the result of what happens with two stoners (this was made in the middle 60's) watches nothing but westerns and old horror movies for a week straight. |
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| Enter Jesse James and his partner Hank, who just happens to be a big brute Hercules type guy. They go meet up with The Wild Bunch to assist in the robbery of a stagecoach. But one of The Wild Bunch, Lonnie, decides to go "straight" and tells The Marshall where Jesse James is so Lonnie can collect the $10,000 reward. But things get screwed up and Lonnie's brothers get killed, Hank gets shot, and he and Jesse escape. Lonnie joins the Marshall on the hunt for Jesse. |
| Jesse and Hank, who somehow survives a fatal gunshot right in the chest for days on end, runs into The Lopez's, who left their village. The daughter Juanita says that Dr. Frankenstein can help Hank with his little bullet problem so she takes them there, against her father's wishes.
They arrive at The Frankensteins, where Maria is glad to see a big brute Hercules type guy. She decides he's perfect for the experiment and patches him up quite nicely. She then asks Jesse and Juanita to stay with her, so she can keep an eye on them. Juanita, who earlier was jumped by Indians, wants to show her gratitude to Jesse by making wild monkey love, but he insists that he can not only because he is an outlaw and outlaws don't do such things, I'm guessing. But Jesse, the stud that he is, is also played on by Maria. When he refuses her offer for sex, she decides to set him up by sending him into town to get medicine from the pharmicist. The note Jesse was carrying wasn't actually a prescription, it was note saying that Jesse is Jesse!! The bitch!!!! The pharmicist, who I wouldn't trust giving me medicine with his shaky hands and far sighted vision, runs to Lonnie to tell him Jesse is there. But you can't trick Jesse James, no sir! He kills Lonnie and finds the note and figures everything out. Meanwhile, Maria and Rudolph takes Hank's brain out and replaces it with another and then does the famous electrical storm trick to bring him back to life and viola! Hank becomes Igor!! Seriously, that's what Maria calls the new transformed Hank, Igor. Juanita sees all of this happening and instead of running in and killing Maria she just stares, mouth wide open. Juanita pretty much does the same thing through the rest of the movie when there's any kind of trouble. Maria discovers that Rudolph has been doing sneaky things behind Maria's back and has Hank/Igor kill him. |
| She runs and tells Jesse what happened to Hank and insists that he doesn't go get Hank or else she'll get The Marshall. Jesse, not wanting to abandon his friend, goes back to the castle that is represented by the painting that looms over the village and gets conked on the head by Hank/Igor.
Maria decides to do the same thing to Jesse but Juanita and The Marshall show up. Hank/Igor hugs The Marshall until he passes out and when Juanita tries to free Jesse, Maria send Igor to kill Juanita. But for some reason (This isn't explained) he ends up killing Maria. He then lunges after Jesse but Juanita, FINALLY doing something, shoots Hank. His last words are "Juanita...Juanita...Juanita..." They bury Hank, then Jesse says he still can't be with Juanita and he goes into the sunset with The Marshall. The end. |
| Wait...what do you mean the end??? Does The Marshall take Jesse to jail? Is The Marshall grateful to Jesse and lets bygones be bygones? Was The Marshall left braindead after the fatal hugging that he had about as much brains as Hank and became Jesse's new sidekick? Arrgh... |
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| This painting of the castle represents the Frankenstein castle. Imagine how scary it'd be if it was real! |
| Maria the nutcase and her poor, poor brother Rudolph. Notice the vast age difference. Their mom & dad must've gotten frisky again when Rudolph went to college. |
| This is Francisco. He looks like a solider in the gay army, doesn't he, with that thing on his head? |
| This is Hank. I can see the women salivating as they see this. |
| Jesse James. I would say something funny but I'm too afraid he'd kick my ass. |
| Lonnie. I can say whatever I want about him, he's a wuss. |
| Lonnie and The Marshall! This fall on CBS!! |
| This is your brain in a crappy ass movie. Any questions? |
| DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! |
| This is Juanita. She spends half the movie in this position, not doing a damn thing. |
| Don't ask me why but I liked this shot. I guess in case you forgot that he was a big time criminal. |
| This is the very last shot with Jesse & The Marshall riding off together in the, um, daylight. |
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