| Las Vegas Blood Bath The Mediorce Killer Takes On The City of Sin! |
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| The Killer-He has a name but not until the ending credits give him one. He goes bonkers when he catches his wife in bed with a bad security guard. Ruthie-The Killer's wife. Has an affair with a bad security guard, then travels around Las Vegas but minus a body. Barbara-Pregnant chick who for some reason puts up with a group of Annoying Bitches. Group of Annoying Bitches-They all have names like Tiffany, Susan, Jenny, Wendy, Bambi, and Blossom (Wtf?) and they're all wrestlers, but they all act the same that telling them apart is damn near difficult. They all end up killed by The Killer. Other Victims-Including a Jehovah's Witness, a "cop", a hooker, a bartender, and I'm assuming a pizza guy. |
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| I think Netflix was trying to tell me something. I had this movie (well, this "movie" is actually part of a 2 disc/6 movie DVD set called Serial Psychos. If you want to torment yourself with this movie, it's on Disc 2.) on my Queue list for like 3 months, the whole time it saying it would be "a short wait" before I would receive it. So I reviewed the movies I had on the Coming Soon page around it, waiting for it to arrive. When it became 2007, I said "Fuck it" and took it off the Coming Soon page. The next day, the damn thing arrived in the mail.
So allow me to get this movie done and over with so I can move on to other equally horrible movies. Our main star, who isn't given a name until the end credits (I'll let you be in suspense) so I'll just call him The Killer, starts off as a normal business guy who made a good business deal. We know this because he talks to somebody on the phone about it. It's kinda like that Bob Newhart routine about King Kong, except even more slower paced. The Killer decides to buy his wife a car to celebrate this great moment in business history. He also throws out there that she's pregnant. |
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| Starring Jerry Seinfeld's Less Popular Brother Alex Seinfeld. |
| The ever popular "Public Access Font". |
| Ruthie, the wife, is home and she lets in a stranger wearing a security guard's outfit. Before we think he works for and he's just checkin' in, they immediately start making out. This guy isn't given a name either but it really doesn't matter. They proceed into the bedroom and I guess do it.
The next day, The Killer arrives and finds a pair of shoes by the door. The first thing he immediately does is sniff them. Maybe he has a foot fetish? So he looks around for his wife and whoever has the stinky feet until he finds them together in bed. The Killer calmly pulls the gun out from the security guard's belt (which is on the floor) and shoots them both off camera. Then we get a wonderful travelogue of Las Vegas! OHH! There's a casino!! Hey! A fountain! WOW! There's traffic!! NEAT! I wanna go!! In between shot of Vegas landmarks, The Killer is driving around saying all women are whores and they're all gonna pay! And he spots one right now! |
| Ah yes Sam Kinison. That'll calm him down a bit. |
| He pulls over and picks her up and she immediately flashes a boob. The Killer grunts several insults about her line of profession, then asks where they can go to be "alone". Then we get a real time account of the Hooker giving directions (I swear, they made 3 lefts and a right...couldn't they have just made a right at the starting point? Eh, I guess I shouldn't complain, I don't know how Vegas works) and more GREAT acting as the actors interact with real people driving.
They arrive at some alley and The Killer tells The Hooker (I feel like I'm describing a modern version of The Canterbury Tales) to lay down on the ground. He then opens the trunk and pulls out some rope and the head of his dead whore wife Ruthie. The Killer gropes the Hooker for awhile, then jams a knife in her chin, going "Whoops", like he's in the kitchen and he dropped a knife on the floor. Then in the first of "WTF" moments, he ties her leg to his bumper and drives away, pulling the leg out of the hooker. |
| And now "The Re-Animator Goes To Las Vegas!" |
| Finally, someone took care of that Rachael Ray bitch! |
| We get more awesome driving around footage, then the most pointless scene in the movie. Well, the entire movie is pointless, but this scene is even more pointless, which should tell you a lot. All it is is the Killer walking into a bar with his wife's head, saying "Give her a drink", then shooting the bartender. He then walks out.
EVEN MORE driving footage when The Killer turns on the radio. Like all bad movies, the moment he turns it on, they immediately start talking about finding the body of a unidentified male and a deputy sheriff...wait. HE WAS A DEPUTY? In THAT outfit?? He looked like a Wal-Mart security guard! Jeez... Anyway, that was pointless too cause we already knew he murdered them. But I'm not complaining cause I want to enjoy the scenes with the Killer as much as possible cause he goes away for a bit and it's the most annoying 20 minutes of movie history I ever sat through. Well, maybe the second most. Before that though, we get another monologue about hating women and why Ruthie cheated on him when he's interrupted by a kid wanting to know what time it is. He basically mimics "Mitchell" and says "BUZZ OFF KID!" |
| "Man...how does someone that ugly get all those chicks!" |
| Then suddenly, The Killer is just roaming a residential neighborhood until he randomly comes across a house...A HOUSE FULL OF GIRLS!! Man, I could've searched all day and not find a house that ONLY consists of girls. Well, you know, except sorority houses.
But this house is different. It's a house full of girls...WHO WRESTLE! In oil!! I know, what are the odd's right? But we have come to the point of the movie that made me question everything that I do. Why do I watch these horrible movies? Why are these horrible movies made? Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody really care? Two girls arrive at the house carrying an insanely large gift box. The girls are given names but they all act the same so telling them apart is difficult. Therefore, I will just call them Annoying Bitches and assign them numbers. Annoying Bitch 1 and 2 arrive at Annoying Bitch 3's house, who lives with Barbara. The only reason I know she's Barbara is cause she's pregnant. And she has stupid long ass nails. And is pretty ugly. The large ass gift box is for Barbara. The Annoying Bitches talk about wrestling and guys and things girls usually talk about. And the reason this part of the movie is so annoying is for these two reasons: 1. The girls obviously wasn't given a script so they're making up dialogue as they go along. 2. This ENTIRE scene is unedited, so we get every glorious moment. Thanks, movie! |
| Just killin' some time... |
| Now is the time for the swimsuit competition of our website!! |
| Two more Annoying Bitches arrive and they all give awkward hugs and they make fun of Barbara for being pregnant. And that she doesn't know who the father is. And being pregnant. And being a slut. Seriously, I was crying at this point.
They discuss the food options in the house, which only consist of doughnuts and beer. Barbara says she wants milk cause she can't drink beer. The Annoying Bitches make fun of her for this. Barbara demands milk cause she can't drink beer. I know I just typed that, but this movie felt the need to tell us this over and over again, so I'm telling you this over and over again. Barbara is a pregnant slut with ugly nails. Their little wrestling show doesn't come on for another hour so to kill that hour, they play Truth or Dare poker. It's poker...but whoever loses has to answer truth or dare. This goes on for another 188 hours. Or days. I lost track of everything. I could be doing something more productive with my time, like painting or help the homeless or build a bridge over the river Kwai. Maybe I secretly hate myself? Why??? Ok, I'm back. Unfortunately, this scene isn't over yet. The Annoying Bitches for no reason other than "the guys are probably getting bored" decide to put on bikini's. They make fun of Barbara for putting on a bikini while pregnant. I dunno, Demi Moore was naked on a cover of a magazine while pregnant and she looked good. But Barbara is a ugly hose beast. They order a pizza and rewind it to make sure the disc didn't jump to one of the other movies on this DVD. Nope. "Las Vegas Blood Bath". So far they got the Las Vegas part right. And there was SOME blood, but I dunno if you could bathe in it. An hour passes and they turn the TV on. Apparently, this wrestling thing is shown on public access. And we see them wrestle for 15 minutes. I dunno, I guess it's kinda hot but women fighting isn't my thing honestly. I don't really get the appeal. And they say it's Oil Wrestling but I didn't an ounce of oil anywhere. Why don't they make more movies like "Snakes on a Plane"? The wrestling goes to commercial and there's a knock on the door. YAY!!! The Killer is here!!! THANK GO....no. It's the pizza delivery man. And the pizza is simply put between two pieces of cardboard. The hell, couldn't afford to get a pizza delivered and use their box? Jesus. |
| Yeah this "B.L.O.W's" alright. |
| Eddie Vedder's new job. |
| The delivery guy (who possibly thinks a porno is gonna break out cause he's in a house full of girls in bikini's) forgot the other pizza so he goes to get it. They eat the one, while making fun of Barbara for eating so much. Jesus, she's PREGNANT! Pregnant chicks eat a lot, shut the fuck up already!! GAHH!!!!!
Three and a half hours later, there's another knock. It's probably the pizza guy and maybe his friends to show he's not lying about delivering pizzas to a house full of chicks in bikinis. WHOA! It's The Killer! THANK GOD!!! Well, we get one more annoying scene which is when he tries to tie the Annoying Bitches up and they all don't know their lines and talk over each other and don't do it right. So the director yells cut and does the scene over again. SIKE!! HAHA!!! Do another take! In this movie!! THAT'S A LAUGH! No, instead, he tells Barbara (whom he calls Preggs) to tie them up individually, and after 45 minutes of this, she's done. Then The Killer takes Barbara upstairs where they talk about Ruthie. Then we're shown how bright Barbara is when The Killer leaves the room and we're clearly shown there's a phone over at the night stand, and he's gone for a good 5 minutes so she had plenty of time to get to the phone and call 9-1-1. But no. Instead she scoots off the bed and tip toes out of the room until The Killer arrives with some rope. He ties her up and then pictures Ruthie in Barbara's spot talking to The Killer. She says they're having a baby but guess what? It's not his. And then...ok how in the holy fuck am I gonna prepare you guys for this scene? Umm... He takes a knife to Barbara's stomach, cuts it open, pulls the unborn fetus out, holds it in the air like he's The Lion King, then throws it against the wall. Sorry. I figured I should just be blunt with it. If this movie is like "Pulp Fiction", that would be the rape scene in the basement. The Killer goes downstairs and grabs another Annoying Bitch and he takes off his shirt and smacks the shit out of her. Then he randomly finds a bag full of power tools and pulls out a drill. He uses it on her, then for some odd reason puts her in the closet, along with R. Kelly...Kelly...Kelly... |
| Umm... |
| The Killer grabs another chick and says he's gonna get another one to have a threesome or something, when the editor returns from break and decide to edit out an important scene because all of a sudden some chick is running down the stairs and runs outside, then gun shots are heard. I guess some guy out there didn't like her or something.
This other girl actually does something smart and grabs the phone to call for help but he arrives right away and kills her. So now there's one chick left, who gets free from the ropes and tries to run out the door but somehow he's out there waiting for her. Damn, either he can teleport or he has a twin brother who is also going crazy. |
| I told you this movie is "bore"ing! HAHAHA!! Sorry, this is the effect this movie had on me. |
| Stupid couch!! I hate you couch!!! Ruthie hated couches!!! DIE COUCH!!! |
| *SOB*One pill makes you stronger...*TEAR* Go ask Alice!! *Cry* |
| The Killer takes the last annoying Bitch upstairs and he decides to make the movie even more unbearable by stripping down to his underwear (God you can see his "junk". This movie hates me, I swear) when suddenly all out of nowhere, random people show up to the house.
A guy just literally runs in with a baseball bat and hits a pillow. Then he runs over to the Bitch and starts to untie her when The Killer wakes up and stabs the shit out of baseball bat guy. Then the movie gets even more cheap when there's a weird voice over thing that makes The Killer say "We're always happy to serve you at [SAMMIES]!" |
| "Die you murderous pillow!!" |
| He drags the last Bitch to the bathroom and puts her in the tub. He asks her what she does for a living and she says she oil wrestles. The Killer looks up to the heavens and shouts "RUTHIE LOVED OIL WRESTLING!!!" then he beats the shit out of the bitch with a hammer.
There's knocking on the door and a guy pokes his head through saying he's a Jehovah’s Witness. The Killer kicks the door causing the Jehovah's guy to lose his head. HAHAHA! But seriously, this decapitates him. The Killer says "You're not a witness anymore", then "Ruthie was a Jehovah's Witness!" Jesus, this Ruthie did everything, huh? Jumps to a guy in a tank top and jeans holding a gun rushing into the house. He slowly finds all the bodies all over the place and he comes to the bathroom, which is just full of blood and body parts and aborted fetuses. The guy with the gun says he's the police. Jesus, the police around here dress shitty! The Killer calls out saying he'll put his hands up and the "cop" comes in and finds The Killer sitting in a bathtub with the chick he killed in the tub, but it's full of water so there's blood...holy shit. No they didn't..."Blood Bath"? ARRGH!! The entire movie lead up to a pun!! I HATE YOU MOVIE! YOU HEAR ME!!! ARRGH!!!!! Anyway, the "cop" comes and sees The Killer has his arms up...but something is off. Then we see why. The Killer just propped up arms so they looked like they were his, but his real arms were in the tub, so he pulls out a gun and shoots the "cop". |
| Man, someone had a bad lunch. |
| "You wouldn't shoot an 'armed' man, would you?" HAHAHA!!! Yeah, I need to be put away. |
| Finally, The Killer says "Well Ruthie, I killed all the guys for you to cheat on me with. And I killed all the girls I could cheat on you with." Really? So he killed every SINGLE person in the world? Well, with this movie out there, I'm sure people were just killing themselves left and right. Then he goes to sleep, until he remembers the stage direction the director gave, so he suddenly wakes up and stares wide eyed at the camera. And then the goofiest song in the history of the world plays, about Sammie killing people in Las Vegas and we come to find out (thanks to the credits) the Killer is named Sam! WHAT?? When the fuck was he ever called Sam??? Jesus...
Anyway, we find out that it comes to no surprise that the Annoying Bitches are actual wrestlers who wrestle in oil and they more or less played themselves. And the footage we saw of them wrestling was real. God help me. |
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| I got nothing. Um. Well, I do wanna mention that I only wanted to see this movie cause of Something Awful's review of it. And I had to email the guy to find out how to get the movie. So damn them and him for telling me this movie exists and how to get it. DAMN THEM ALL TO HELL!!
No wait. Ruthie liked hell. |
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| Some Youtube Videos Here's the RUTH LOVED OIL WRESTING scene & The Jehovah's Witness Scene The Ending Theme Song, with some clips of the movie shown. |
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