The Re-Animator
Zombie. Check. Live Chick. Check.
Zombie Making Out With Live Chick? Check!
Herbert West-Geeky med student who invents a fluid that re-animates dead bodies. He sounds like Niles from the show "Fraiser".
Dan Cain-Fellow med student who lets West rent a room in his rather empty house. Gets tangled up in the whole re-animating dead bodies mess. He also is a very sweaty guy.
Megan Halsey-Dan's girlfriend, who always seems to stumble in on Dan and West re-animating things.
Dean Halsey-Meg's father who is the Dean of the school West, Dan, and Meg go to. Typically, doesn't like Dan. A zombie kills him and is re-animated, then lobotomized by Dr. Hall.
Dr. Hall-Creepy John Kerry look-a-like guy who seems to have a thing for Meg. Gets his head chopped off by Herbert, then re-animated.
Rufus-Dan's cat. Poor cat. You'll see as you read on.
Security Guard-I hope after the mess that happened in the morgue, he gets fired.
A bunch of corpses-All get re-animated either by West or Hall.
I'm unsure how many zombie films I have seen. I know I've seen all four of George A. Romero's "Of The Dead" movies. Then there's Peter Jackson's "Dead-Alive". Unsure if "Motel Hell" counts. I don't think they were dead...

Anyway, I've seen a few zombie movies in my time, but this one takes the cake. And what makes this movie so different is we actually have a reason for people turning into zombies. Usually in zombie movies, they just are zombies.

We start in Switzerland where the Swiss police are forced to break down the door with those handy little knives they have. They find Herbert and some Swiss doctor named Hans Gruber. The fact this is the same name as the main bad guy in "Die Hard" is a coincidence, I'm sure. Dr. Hans is just screaming his head off and West is trying to control him. The police shoot him and West gets rather upset.
This is what happens when you listen to too much Kenny G.
Hey! He's coppin' a feel!!!!
Ladies and gentlemen! Dr. John Kerry!!
"Uh, Herbert, that's not how you do the rubber pencil trick!"
After the credits, we come back to somewhere in America, I think it was California. Herbert meets Dan and takes an immedate dislike to Dr. Hall. This is shown further when West is in Dr. Hall's class and anytime Hall talks, Herbert breaks a pencil. This was funny but I didn't really get why.

When Herbert answers Dan's ad about an empty room, he immedately moves in. Megan is kinda freaked out by him, but Dan, who saw the stacks of money Herbert had, takes him in. Later, Meg realizes he hasn't seen Rufus, the cat, in awhile, so she goes looking for him. She finds him dead inside Herberts mini-fridge. I'm surprised there wasn't a note attached: Dead Cat. Do Not Eat. Another joke I could've made here was: Boy, talk about your frozen pussy! HA! I got a million of them!

Meg accuses Herbert of killing him, but he insists that it killed itself accidently. The story doesn't make much sense to me, but cats are kinda dumb, so I wouldn't doubt it. Later that night, Dan wakes up to some horrible screeching in the basement. If he told him once, he told him a thousand times to turn down his Mariah Carey albums! He finds Herbet fighting with some black animal. After Dan throws it agains the wall, he finds out it's Rufus! WHA?!

Herbert explains. He created some fluid that re-animates the dead. But they could only been have dead for no longer than an hour. Dan doesn't believe him, despite the fact he re-killed his cat. So Herbert proves it by bringing Rufus back to life...AGAIN!
Think this pussy is dead? Call your girlfriend fat and see what happens.
A little freaked, he tells Dean Halsey, who for some reason kicks Dan out of school. And he forbids him from seeing Meg. Who didn't see that one coming? To prove everyone that Herbert is telling the truth, he and Dan break into the morgue (Well, it's quite easy, the stupid security guard takes 3 hour lunch breaks and 15 minute jerk-off breaks) and attempt to re-animate someone.

After picking someone who died from something that wasn't physical, i.e: shot in the head or burnt to death, they try to bring him back. And of course the guy they get happens to be a 9 foot muscle bound guy. So when he comes back to life, he's ripping the moruge apart. Halsey comes in to confront them both when the zombie beefcake kills him. Herbet re-kills muscle boy and tells Dan he's gonna bring Halsey back to life.

And of course Meg stumbles upon the scene, wondering why her father is in the corner, shaking and screaming. Halsey is put in a strait-jacket and put in Hall's personal padded room, where Hall attempts to make his move on Meg. Dan tells Meg what happened and she more or less tells him to go fuck off.
Hall taunts Herbert, then says he one-upped him and manages to bring ALL the corpses in the morgue alive, through some tricky lobotomizing and West's fluid. The next ten minutes of the movie is West, Dan, and Meg fighting off zombies galore!

West decides to see what would happen if a re-animated body overdoses on the fluid, and gives Hall a bunch of it. Well, what happens is the body explodes and the intestines come to life. Ahh, sweet memories of "Dead Alive". They start choking West, who throws all his research to Dan and he and Meg get out of there. This is the last we see of Herbert. Until the countless sequels anyway.

On the way out, a zombie chokes Meg and she is knocked out. He drags her back upstairs where they attempt to revive her, but all the doctors declare her dead. I dunno, it looks like she's gonna be fine. But whatever, declare her dead for dramatic purposes I suppose. If only there was some way to bring her back to life...with some magic green fluid...hmm...
This movie is friggin awesome and if you're into things like this (meaning awesome things), you should check this movie out. And if your girlfriend wonders why you don't "Go South of The Border" on her, show her this movie. Then cut off your head. Viola! You win!
Read The Reviews!
I didn't know the rectum was in the eye.
This is either the final season of "St. Elseware" or the first season of "ER".
When Garfield wants someone wacked, he wants 'em wacked!
This is what happens to you when you watch "Billy Jack" 20 times in a row.
Special cameo apperance by Conan O'Brien.
In Just Seven Days, I Can Make You A John Kerry!
You can be a GREAT zombie! You DO have the ambition to eat brains!
Hall examines Halsey and finds out what happens. So he goes to Herbert and blackmails him into giving him the re-animation fluid. Herbert disagrees by chopping Hall's head off. Wondering if body parts can be re-animated seperately, he experiments on Hall. Yep, it works. But the downside is Hall can still, somehow, control his body and knocks Herbert out. When he comes to, Hall has taken all his stuff.

ZOMBIE LOOTERS!! They're the worst, let me tell you.

Meanwhile, Dan and Meg break into Hall's office and snoop around for some reason. There, Dan finds a file folder of all things Meg, including a lock of hair and probably used panties. Realize this John Kerry dude has a thing for his girl, he gets freaked out and they get the hell out of there.

Later, Hall returns to his office and recruits Halsey into his un-dead army by telling him to go kidnap Meg, which he instantly does. Hall breaks into the morgue by sneaking past the stupid security guard who decides to take another 25 minute jerk-off break.

After Halsey strips Meg (Yes. Father stripping his own daughter. Yeah, he's lobotomized but still), Hall makes his body put his head on various naked parts of Meg. And he's about to give her a "Magic Carpet Ride", if you get my meaning when Herbert interrupts.
Carl Weathers!
In case you didn't get my meaning.
It's not a zombie movie until intestines start coming to life.
"So you're single now, huh?"
(Sidenote: Doesn't she look like a guy in drag?)
"This is probably considered necrophilia but it is a fetish we haven't explored yet."