| Leprechaun I'll Be There For Me Pot O'Gold |
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| Lori-Played by Jennifer Aniston. Yes, that Jennifer Aniston. This was back in the day when she was praying this Leprechaun gig would lead her to a TV show where she would ask a ridiculous amount of money to play a haircut. Anway, she's a very whiny bitchy snobby chick from L.A who is forced to move to a farm somewhere. Nathan-Hunky house painter who gets a thing for Lori, and shows his love to her by kicking Leprechaun ass. Ozzy-Played by the dude who played Francis in "Pee Wee's Big Adventure". Mentally challenged oaf who stupidly releases the Leprechaun. Works for Nathan and... Alex-Nathan's younger brother. Despite him being around 10 years old, he has the task of keeping an eye on Ozzy. That doesn't work out too well. Lori's Dad-Is in the movie for about 20 minutes, then sent to spend the rest of the movie relaxing. Lucky bastard. Mr. And Mrs. O'Grady-He brings the Leprechan to this farm and she is his not so brilliant wife. The Leprechan-Played by Warwick Davis. Little Irish guy who is very anal about his gold. His weakness: shoes. |
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| March equals St. Patrick's Day and St. Patrick's Day equals Ireland and Ireland equals Leprechauns. Ireland also equals getting drunk and eating potatoes, which I'll be doing while I review this film.
This cinematic stroke of genius starts when an old Irish dude named Dan O'Grady comes home from Ireland to his waiting wife simply named Mrs. O'Grady. He is rather tipsy (Typical Irish person) and arrives home in a limo, much to the confusion of Mrs. O'Grady and her cow. No wait, that was Miss O'Leary. Anyway, Mr. O'Grady tells his wife that while in Ireland he found a leprechaun and it gave him gold, so yay they’re rich. |
| But apparently leprechauns don't like to give up their gold without a fight because this Leprechaun came all the way from Ireland to go after O'Leary and kill his wife. But luckily, O'Leary knows all the leprechaun tricks and knows they are deathly afraid of four leaf clovers, which is what O'Leary uses to subdue the Leprechaun. O'Leary locks him in a crate in the basement and is about to torch the house when he has a stroke.
Ten years later and he's still trapped in the box. (Maybe this is what Alice in Chains was refering to in their song "Man In The Box"?) You see, he's about 600 years old, so ten years to him is probably like a couple of minutes to you and me. Anyway, we find out that the new owners of the house, and a very patient Leprechaun, is Lori and her dad. We instantly take a dislike to her when she starts whining about leaving L.A. and doesn't like the look, feel, smell, touch, taste, and hearing of the place. She's about to leave when she runs into hunky house painter Nathan. This guy quickly changes her bitchy attitude. |
| Nathan is the president and CEO of, I'm not making this title up, "Three Guys Who Paint.” The other two guys consist of his younger brother Alex and their mentally challenged friend, I'm assuming, Ozzy. They're all painting the house when Ozzy gets covered with paint and he screams out "SHARON!!!!!!!!!! THE (Bleep)IN' KIDS (Mumble mumble mumble).” No wait, wrong Ozzy. While washing the paint off, Ozzy hears the Leprechaun calling from the basement. Stupidly, he releases it.
Ozzy runs back upstairs to tell everyone, but they don't believe him because he is prone to making up stories about UFO's and creatures and wearing a dress while peeing on the Alamo. Then they spot a rainbow, so Ozzy and Alex run to see what's on the other end. There, they find something they couldn't imagine in their wildest dreams!! A broken down truck. Oh, but a bag of gold appears in the truck and Alex and Ozzy vow to keep the gold a secret. Back at the house, the Leprechaun feels Tori up but everyone thinks it's just a horny cat. But good ol' Dad tries to find the "cat" in a tree, and he ends up getting his hand clawed at. It was really the Leprechaun pretending to be a cat, which is odd cause I don't see Warwick being a furrie. Everyone leaves to take Dad to the hospital, and there he shall remain for the rest of the film. Ozzy and Alex takes a piece of gold to Collectable Joe, a very "knowledgeable" fellow who offers to analyze it overnight with his high tech machinery and probably a bottle of scotch. But here comes the little Leprechaun, after his gold coin, on a tricycle no less. He starts attacking Joe and stomps on him on a pogo stick. What? No, I wasn't smoking anything, it really was a pogo stick. If you don't believe me either get the movie or get the compilation video/DVD "Boogeymen,” where this very scene is shown. Now if you're done doubting me... |
| After killing about 25 minutes in a diner where nothing really was accomplished, we find the Leprechaun in the house, looking around for his gold coin and stumbling on shoes. Another Leprechaun folk lore is they are shoe craftsmen and they just can't help but clean up shoes, no matter what they are doing. This is rather important and it'll be a plot point later on in the film.
Lori and the "Three Guys Who Paint" come home to find a ransacked house and clean shoes. Ozzy still claims it's the Leprechaun but of course no one believes him. After the editor cleans up the house (meaning a scene ends with Tori saying "Lets start cleaning this up" and we immedately jump to the next scene, where she says "Well, we're doing cleaning") the Leprechaun makes his appearance to everyone when he tricks Nathan into going outside and fall into a bear trap. Of course actually seeing the guy with their own eyes doesn't make them believe he's a leprechaun. What the fuck, do they think he's just a deranged midget who escaped from an asylum or something? What's it gonna take to get them to believe him, a business card stating, "I AM A LEPRECHAUN! FEAR ME! PS: WHERE'S ME GOLD?!?" Then one of the oddest scenes in movie history takes place. The Leprechaun somehow made a tiny car for himself in a barn and he drives off in it. A cop nearby sees the tiny car driving down the highway and decides to investigate this, which turns out to be a mistake because he ends up getting clawed to death. |
| After that, there's about 20-25 minutes of Lori and company running from the Leprechaun and shooting him, which doesn't work but they must shoot him anyway so the squibs placed all around the set don't go to waste. It's around this point when they FINALLY believe he's a Leprechaun and say "Ok fine, we'll give your gold back. Sheesh, Mr. Bossy Boots.” Alex and Ozzy reveal where they hid the bag and Lori gives it back. Now everything should be ok...
Oh yeah. Earlier when Ozzy found the gold, he wanted to test to see if it was actual gold so he bit down on it and somehow swallowed it. D'oh!! So now the Leprechaun wants this piece back. Realizing that this means disembowment, Ozzy tells them that O'Grady knows how to kill the Leprechaun but they have to go to a nursing home, which is where he wound up in after his stroke. Lori decides to go pay him a visit way past normal visiting hours, but first they need to distract the Leprechaun. Oh yeah. They throw shoes at him and he must, DAMMIT, he must, clean them!!! But that don't last very long, cause he follows Lori anyway and attacks O'Grady so he won't give out the uber-secret on how to kill a Leprechaun. But his dying words to Lori were the instructions to stopping him, so that was just all for nothing. And those instructions? She must pick a fresh four leaf clover from a patch in the backyard. Ok, why fresh? The one that held him in the crate for 10 years was far from fresh. But I guess this is why I don't get paid 10 million dollars to write a crappy screenplay. So Lori rushes back and they all stumble to find one. This takes about 5 minutes, but luckily (no pun intended, really) they come across one. Alex stuffs it in a ball and shoots it down the Leprechaun's throat using a sling shot. Thank you Dennis the Menace. He falls down a well and melts, much like the witch at the end of "Wizard of Oz,” but for good measure, Nathan decides to blow the well up. But there are 6 more movies after this one, so apparently that didn't work. |
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| This is a hard movie to rate and judge. First off, the storyline isn't really that good and it's extremely goofy as all hell so there's no way you can take this movie seriously. But it is entertaining to watch. I mean, you can't help but laugh when The Leprechaun sings children rhymes while killing a person or driving a little car down a hallway or when he appears on roller skates for no reason or is rushing back to the house in a wheelchair. (Sorry for the run-on sentence.) If your on a date or decide to stay in to watch movies, and your significant other is scared of horror movies, but all you watch are horror movies, you can, by a technicality, get this movie, because there is nothing remotely scary about it. Plus if he/she is Irish, they'll definitely go for it. Just don't forget to bring the booze and potatoes. |
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| Happy St. Patricks Day From Invasion of The B-Movies |
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